Inner Fortune

2: Control by Lacking.

As another week draws to an end, i find myself thinking what it is i should be putting my mind towards. Should i be concentrating on my petty emotions, such as Lust and Contempt. Or should i be looking to only seek joy and futile feelings of acceptance? Lets count the ways that i feel each thing shall we?

Lust - I am lusting for 2 members of the opposite sex, neither of which am i going to mention due to their ability to gain access to this blog if they want to. I'll admit now that yes, i would like to convey my lustrous feelings for them but i want more to keep them as my close friends, so i refuse to even try and get them to do anything with me. Some will call this me being square, others will see this as heroic. I care not for either kinds of people. I do not do this for your acceptance, i do this because i simply love my friends more than any reputation i may or may not gain otherwise.

Contempt - Many of you may know that my contempt is not towards myself, my contempt is towards others. I become contempt when i see my friends happy, I get contempt even if I am not.

Joy - This is almost a foreign idea for me, I never experience much joy and the reason for that is to protect myself from being hurt by people when they can't accept me for who i am. My joy comes when i am complimented or if i am given the greatest gift i have ever been given, friendship.

Finally, comes acceptance. This pushes joy, it leads lust and creates contempt. but this is one thing i see very little of. People don't accept me because i am different, they isolate me through bullying and other means and they push me and push me until I have lost all control and flip out. What i wish for is simple, but so difficult to master. You see, My Creatures of the Night, what i want is to be loved.