The Answer: The Blonde & The Speed Bump

My Dearest Deadman.

Your question amuses me. Are we so different indeed?

I suppose only we shall know our true similarities and, by that logic, our differences too. These petty baffled brutes that you surround yourself with will always mewl like decrepit beasts all because they will never fathom our true being or our understanding of theirs. None of them will even understand why we write this 'blog'. Do we do it for attention? Or for their sympathy? No. We write on here because you refuse me existence in front of them so this becomes the only place I can say my piece about them with the possibility that they will see it.

Do you dream much Deadman? I do. I suppose that must be why you do not. Only one of us can do something at a time and you demand to be in control.

Has she spoken to you yet? You made it seem in your first letter to me that you had embraced in conversation, yet I doubt you would ever say 'Hi, How are you?' And you wonder why I speak so ill of you. Maybe you should let me speak with her, I'm sure I could gain you a night you'd never forget.

I truly am the epitome of your arrogance aren't I?

My rise is inevitable.

I Remain,
Your Superior,

Doctor James Tiberius Hinckleton III

The Question: The Blonde & The Speed Bump

Dear Friend.

Why is it that we are so different? After all we are the same person, in body and soul we are identical. In mind, we couldn't be more different.

I do not choose to not look in the eyes I simply cannot do it. The reason I cannot explain, but as you said I am Autistic and that is the nature of an Autist. The eyes are the pathway to the soul itself and without permission I do not have the right to look at a persons soul. This is the reason I refuse you the ability to look in my eyes in the mirror. It is my soul, no matter how hard you may wish for it to be yours.

On the day that you are useful to me I will allow you control in situations like those when she is in front of me.

The only issue I have is, you are the only one of us who can actually start a conversation with her.

I simply do not have the confidence.

I Remain

The Deadman

The Response: The Blonde & The Speed Bump.

Dearest Deadman.

I, indeed, have seen the girl you speak of, and I will say now that I approve.

She is a thing of real beauty indeed. The thing you refuse to mention is the name, the name that she shares with a unicorn. You refuse to mention names because names are the most important thing in your life. So mention the thing you haven't noticed my foolish brethren. You spend so long looking at the body and the facial features of a person you forget to look in their eyes.

I have. I looked Deadman. They are magnificent.

The most amazing shade of blue, almost mid boggling in nature.

Take a look next time, my friendly Autist.

I Remain

Doctor James Tiberius Hinckleton III

The Blonde & The Speed Bump.

Dear Friend.

I know you saw her too, that upheaval that pushes me and prods at my head.

That feeling of disappointment knowing that, even though she smiles back, it means nothing to her and she will forget me within instants. I've never forgot a face, not ever, but I have a greater memory for that which is more frontal. If I could draw then I could paint her, inch perfect, from memory and with my eyes wired shut. Her very existence plagues my mind.

I wish it wasn't so, but what can I do.

I am not good looking enough to even get a look in to her. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she is shallow but I am just realistic.

A thing of such beauty deserves a real man.

Not me.

I Remain

The Deadman

My Dearest Friends

On my journey through life I have, thus far, failed to find reason to indulge myself in the pass-times that symbolise my generation and have therefore been victimised and criticised by my peers. Though it might seem like I search for pity or sorrow, rest assured that whilst i am not accepted by the many I would not trade those whom do for everyone else on this planet.

My life at home continues to neither be satisfying or disappointing. I do long for adventure, for independence, yet my parents do not believe that I could survive on my own. Though I know they mean well by this, I must insist of them to not assume that they know what could happen if I lived on my own. At times it seems that they don't even know me at all, despite having lived with me my entire life. They never even ask for me to explain my utmost feelings and cares. This continues to bedevil me.

I do hope that on this occasion I have not left you hating me for being so blunt.

I thank you for your time, my friends.

I remain,

Dr. James T. Hinckleton

The Blame of Hatred

Do you remember how your parents taught you to not be rude? No, yet when you have children of your own you seem to remember the word as if you have read them in a book. You see, life is an Autocue and it is your part to read it first time as if everything that is happening around you is breaking news. No man knows his destiny and no man can decide it, no matter how hard he might try. In 'The Terminator', Kyle Reese tells Sarah Connor that 'There is no Fate but what we make for ourselves' when in reality our life is a complex road that has many directions in which we could travel yet we always seem to choose the same direction every time. We could walk that street every day for the rest of our lives and each time we would always end up in the same place at the end of it. 

Do you ever remember making the actual decision that you will actually do that particular thing? Do you ever remember when you decided that you would fall in love? Do you ever remember deciding that you were straight or gay, or whether you were white or black, or whether you were British or American? Do you remember choosing anything about who you really are today? I'll let you in on a little secret, you never did. You do not choose anything about anything... Shit just seems to fall in place.

I remain,

Dr. James T. Hinckleton

Hypocrites

You know how it is, you find these people trying to bitch about other people for doing certain things when in fact they are the worst people I have ever known at doing those things. These pathetic little girls saying to others that people have been spreading shit about them to gain attention and garner some sympathy when if you were to look into what these little girls do in their spare time you would see that these moronic whiners are worse when it comes to bitching about their friends. It sickens me, these people are your friends, they have allowed you to become close to them. You do not bitch about them... EVER... unless of cause you do in fact have a falling out which then all is fair in love and war... And then there are the moments that you bitch about and have a hissy fit at your family, you call your mother a bitch, you call your father a dick, but you never give thanks to them... they have graced you with your life and that is how you repay them... by acting like some stupid spoiled little brat? Really? I mean come on girl, get some honour and decency.

Insomnia

I do not claim to have insomnia, though I do claim to struggle for sleep. What it is that steals my minds eye when I attempt to sleep, I do not know, but I do know this... I have been blessed once again with a friend that I am glad to have met. To top that, I have grown closer to my unofficial Sister-In-Law. Again I will not mention their names to you, but I will give you a brief profile of them for your reading pleasure.

My new friend is a stunning young lady, who cannot or will not see this beauty in herself. Due to my morals, I will not state that I 'Fancy' her, no, for you see, she is a lesbian and as per my morals I cannot fancy someone I do not see myself standing a chance with. These morals were a poor decision on my behalf. Anyway, she has black hair and multiple piercings on her face and is of equal height as me. I do enjoy our conversations, even if they are a little awkward in person.

Now my Sister-In-Law, and this would probably be inappropriate if she read it but I'm going to put it anyway. You see, she as well has an outer skin of beauty and, though I probably shouldn't look, a body to match said beauty. It was only recently that I have started talking to her in conversational bursts through my twitter (@Psycho_Deadman) and it even got to the point that she has invited me to go to her house for some company. Though I enjoyed that she would invite me I did have a slight psychotic episode whilst I was there (of which I have thoroughly explained). I am very much grateful of her inclusion of me into her family and her concern whilst I was experiencing this episode.

Humanity and The Loss of It.

You see it in movies every day, that when the world turns to shit, humanity do what they believe is the best way to survive and that often leads to the destruction of other human beings. This is because as a human being the most important thing to them is to protect what is dearest to them and that is themselves and their families. But what if that person has no love for themselves and no family to look out for? They are the most dangerous of all. They are the people that you must make sure that, when the most uncontrollable of disasters comes, they are not the ones choosing who lives and who dies. These people will choose who they believe are the greatest of a group of individuals without considering the most important factor. You see these people would choose the strong, the brave, the beautiful and the smart, but they will never consider the humane, the kind or the selfless. It is the people that the callous leaders would choose that would lead our race into extinction because they do not have these most important of human traits. They don't have the humanity to see their own faults or the kindness or selflessness to think that the others might need the resources that are available to them because in their opinion they are the most important people alive because they were chosen by their 'Oh Great Leaders'. It will be in that Greed that would lead to the world being separated and humanity forced into factions, wars being raged and humanity running itself into the ground. You see, without people like preachers keeping half the world pacifistic humanity would just wipe themselves out in mere years. Preachers, though i myself do not believe in any deity, are important no matter what religion they preach. Whether it be Christianity, Judaism, any Islamic religions or any other religion, they are all important in their own ways and they are all, if they are studied deeply, near enough identical.

Whilst I am on the subject of religion, I would like to send a message (if there are any that read this) to those that protest against anything that happens in this country like our laws or our soldiers. If you live in this country, whether you agree with them or not, you follow our laws you do not have them changed to suit you. You respect the people who fight to give you a place that is nice enough for you to want to live not kill them on the streets. Finally, if you wish to be accepted by the general public in this country, do three things. 1. Learn our language and speak it wherever you are (besides inside your own home) so say if you are walking down our streets on your phone, speak English, not whatever language you speak in your country. 2. DO NOT TRY AND CLAIM OUR BENEFITS UNLESS YOU CAN SPEAK FLUENT ENGLISH OR HAVE THE WISH TO SPEAK FLUENT ENGLISH. 3. Do not try and change our country to suit you, we are English, we do not wear head masks simply to please you, we drink alcohol no matter what day it is and we can show off as much of our bodies (provided we keep our genitals covered) as we so please. I am not racist, I respect your right to religion but you must respect our right to live how we have for centuries and not force us to live like you.

Chaos

I have just read about the Chaos Theory, which explains that even though the initial state of events may seem unrelated and random, eventually patterns emerge and in the end all the pieces fit together. So basically no matter how random life seems there is always a way to predict what is going to happen.

All theories that I read about seem to interest me, like the Schrodinger's Cat Paradox. In which Erwin Schrodinger locked a cat inside an air proof chamber for an hour with a small source of radiation and a radiation sensor that at a random point (determined by a computer or just generally at random) during the hour will be activated smashing a vial of poison killing the cat. This is a paradox because until the hour is up and someone looks to see that the cat is dead, that cat is simultaneously alive and dead, thus posing the question of when quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into either of the set events. This actually can be solved using a simple de-randomisation formula, which would allow you to calculate when the radiation kicks in and the vial of poison is smashed, thus giving you a rough estimate of when the cat would have been subjected to the poison. Then when you add the amount of time that it would take for the poison to kill the cat to when the cat would have first been first subjected to the poison you will find the rough time during said hour that the cat died.

The Schrodinger's Cat Paradox can be applied in life as shown (in a rather archaic form) in The Big Bang Theory (TV Series), by simply saying that you don't know whether something is one way or another if you don't check first.

This... is what happens when I can't sleep.

The Looper Paradox

Now, I know this isn't my usual kind of thing that i post about but it really does get to me when time travel is misconstrued. (May contain spoilers... in fact... there are spoilers... so... **SPOILERS**)

In the film the main characters future self gets sent back in time to be killed by himself, Thus freeing the main character and creating a Self Exterminating Loop. The future version escapes and embarks on the task of killing a child who would grow to become the 'Rainmaker', a cruel head of mafia in the future, in the hopes that this will spare the life of his future wife that is murdered on the order to close the loop (sending Bruce Willis' character back in time). In order to prevent himself from killing his now love interest and causing the rainmaker to become yet more vindictive, he decides to shoot himself (i mean his actual self not his future self... keep up). This removes his future self from coming back in time... the only issue i see here is that, NO, this would actually void the entire film up to the point that the future version of himself gets sent back and in turn would cause every single event of the film to happen all over again, either that or it would tear a massive hole in the time-space continuum due to an massive un-repairable paradox. so this leaves me with no choice but to say a famous quote about time... WIBBLY WOBBLY TIME-Y WHIMEY.

The Eyes Function?

I have wrote before depicting one female of which my heart is simultaneously broken and fixed but i have found but another whom i am physically drawn to. This person is not necessarily the most beautiful of women but she is one of the kindest i have ever met.

I am glad to be able to write that i have patched up any issues i was having with the first female though she still unknowingly breaks my heart by falling for the idiots that i know will unabashedly break hers. These 'men' are the scum of the Earth, blessed with looks in order to look down their noses at the more deserved of these features. I will admit to myself that i am not the best looking person on the planet, but at least i can come to terms with being mediocre. I am of average height (5'10") and i have average looks(not great but not terrible). I have been blessed with an above average sized penis (Yeah i am not posting the size of it on here...jeez) yet i feel myself incapable of finding anyone with whom i would feel willing to share that gift with.

The other day i watched Star Trek Into Darkness, and one quote hit home as something i can agree with. It is one of Spocks more popular quotes, 'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few'. This is in fact the reason i do not think for myself, because what right do i have to be selfish when there are so many people who need my attention more.

Auf Wiedesehen

Inner Fortune

2: Control by Lacking.

As another week draws to an end, i find myself thinking what it is i should be putting my mind towards. Should i be concentrating on my petty emotions, such as Lust and Contempt. Or should i be looking to only seek joy and futile feelings of acceptance? Lets count the ways that i feel each thing shall we?

Lust - I am lusting for 2 members of the opposite sex, neither of which am i going to mention due to their ability to gain access to this blog if they want to. I'll admit now that yes, i would like to convey my lustrous feelings for them but i want more to keep them as my close friends, so i refuse to even try and get them to do anything with me. Some will call this me being square, others will see this as heroic. I care not for either kinds of people. I do not do this for your acceptance, i do this because i simply love my friends more than any reputation i may or may not gain otherwise.

Contempt - Many of you may know that my contempt is not towards myself, my contempt is towards others. I become contempt when i see my friends happy, I get contempt even if I am not.

Joy - This is almost a foreign idea for me, I never experience much joy and the reason for that is to protect myself from being hurt by people when they can't accept me for who i am. My joy comes when i am complimented or if i am given the greatest gift i have ever been given, friendship.

Finally, comes acceptance. This pushes joy, it leads lust and creates contempt. but this is one thing i see very little of. People don't accept me because i am different, they isolate me through bullying and other means and they push me and push me until I have lost all control and flip out. What i wish for is simple, but so difficult to master. You see, My Creatures of the Night, what i want is to be loved.

This Is Me.

1: My Current State.

I looked at myself in the mirror last night, i was dressed all smart in my best suit. There was no reason for this, who was I trying to impress? It hit me hours later. My Autistic mind had allowed a new emotion threw, Joy. For the past 6 months I have experienced both joy and annoyance threw the same creator. Her name I will not mention but instead a brief description shall be given. Her smile is like the first sip of water after a long journey, i could go months without happiness and she could smile once and it would all have been worth it. Hers are the only eyes i will look into, they are like blue crystals that shine brighter than any star in the sky. But the most beautiful thing about her is her body, though she would disagree, i don't care. I have fallen in love with her, though i know she would never feel the same. Why would she? We have nothing in common, and we fall out all the time. I am not the kind of guy she wants, she wants the good guy but craves the bad boy. Whereas I am neither yet both. For her i have changed my way of acting and in return she has not done anything to even show me her interest in my being there. 

Now comes what i fear is the final chapter in our friendship, for you see, I fear she has become bored with me. Is it that easy for her to just delete me from her life? I wish I could tell her how I feel. I wish I was in her league.